PARENTAL AWARENESS

A NOTE TO ALL PARENTS — WRITTEN ON 1 SEPTEMBER 2026

I am writing this to make my position clear to every parent considering a serious tennis career for their child. Please understand these realities before making major decisions about your child's education, finances and future.

Some children have exceptional natural physical advantages. They may have excellent flexibility, endurance, coordination, body structure and an overall athletic build. Such children can dominate their age groups, sometimes without having to work as hard physically as others.

But what happens when they grow older?

Other players start catching up physically. Children who were not naturally gifted may have spent years developing their strength, fitness, movement and endurance. I believe that by continuously upgrading myself and finding better training methods, I can help these players close the physical gap.

Now imagine this situation: the naturally gifted child is no longer physically superior, while the other players are equally fit, better prepared, financially supported and still have their education intact.

Who has the stronger overall foundation to pursue a tennis career?

This is something parents must consider before making major sacrifices for early success.

I am not saying naturally gifted children cannot become professional players. I am saying that natural talent and early victories cannot guarantee that future.

What happens when your child starts losing? Can the child accept repeated defeats? Can the parents handle the pressure without destroying the child's confidence? Can the family financially support several more years of uncertain development?

I strongly believe in developing mental toughness. I want to prepare players to become mental beasts who can face pressure, recover from defeats, learn from mistakes and continue competing. I don't want children who are confident only when they win.

I also want children to become relentless learners. I am not asking children to stop studying; I am asking them never to stop learning. Removing formal education and depriving children of a basic foundation while their tennis future is still uncertain is a risk I strongly disagree with.

I will continue questioning my methods, upgrading my knowledge and searching for better solutions. I want families with the financial capacity, patience and maturity to support a serious, long-term development process. I am prepared to keep improving alongside their children, but I cannot guarantee professional results.

I can take responsibility for my coaching effort, decisions and continuous improvement. I cannot take responsibility for a family's financial limitations, the decision to sacrifice a child's education or the consequences of committing everything to a career with no guaranteed outcome.

Give your child every reasonable opportunity to pursue tennis seriously. But please do not remove every alternative before knowing where that journey will lead.

Early victories are encouraging. They are not a guarantee of tomorrow's success.

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Parents, don't become jealous when another child achieves something your child hasn't achieved. Another child's success does not take anything away from your child.

Instead of constantly comparing children, focus on your own child's development. Ask yourself what you can practically do to help your child improve.

And remember, not every child has to become a professional tennis player. If your child is better suited to another pursuit, that is perfectly fine. Help them recognise and develop their strengths.

Your child's journey should not become a competition between you and another family.

Even when you feel jealous or disappointed, be careful about how you express those emotions. Children observe how their parents react to other people's achievements. They can gradually learn the same habit of comparing themselves with others.

Life is too short to spend it on jealousy, bitterness and resentment. Focus on what you can change in your own child's journey, and learn to appreciate the achievements of others.

Another child's success is something to acknowledge, not something to feel threatened by.

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Some children grow up receiving almost everything they want. There is nothing wrong with giving your child a comfortable life. But financial privilege should never become an excuse for treating other people as inferior.

I am particularly concerned about children who hit, push or physically intimidate other children without thinking about the consequences.

Have you stopped to think about where that punch or blow might land? A careless hit to a vulnerable part of the body can cause serious or even life-threatening injuries.

Do parents correct this behaviour, or do they defend their children, blame others and dismiss it as normal childhood behaviour?

Now consider another possibility. What happens when your child encounters another equally aggressive or short-tempered child who decides to retaliate? Could a fight escalate into something with permanent consequences?

Do not assume that every child will tolerate your child's behaviour simply because your child is used to getting their own way.

If a child grows up believing that money and status put them above other people, that entitlement can continue into adulthood. What happens when such a person drives a luxury car recklessly, crashes into someone and kills them? Money cannot undo the damage or bring back a life. The attitude that other people's safety doesn't matter must be corrected much earlier.

Parents of other children also have a responsibility to protect their children. If another child repeatedly behaves aggressively, speak to the coach and the parents responsible. Insist on proper supervision and clear boundaries. If the behaviour continues and nobody addresses it, avoid leaving your child in unsupervised situations with that child.

Don't sacrifice your child's safety just to maintain a friendly relationship with another family.

I am not saying that every privileged child behaves this way. The problem is entitlement, aggression and the absence of accountability, regardless of a family's financial background.

Teach your child that physical strength is not permission to hurt others, money is not permission to intimidate others, and privilege does not remove responsibility.

Before worrying about how successful your child will become, make sure your child understands how to treat other people.

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Parents, don't look only at how your child plays tennis. Also observe how your child behaves outside the court, treats other people, takes care of themselves and responds when nobody is supervising them.

I am not saying you should never push your child. Young children need guidance and encouragement. But as they grow older, they must gradually learn to take responsibility for themselves.

What does your child do when nobody is watching or reminding them? That tells you a lot about the habits they are developing.

Watch how your child behaves when they win. Do they respect their opponent, or do they become arrogant and behave as if they are superior to everyone else?

Watch how they behave when they lose, too. Can they remain respectful, control their emotions and continue working hard? Or do they blame everyone else and give up?

I'm not saying children must behave perfectly all the time. They are children, and they will make mistakes. But parents need to notice these behaviours and help their children improve.

Teach your children basic manners and how to include other children. They should treat others with respect, whether those children are better players, weaker players, winners or losers.

Don't teach your child to be friendly only with children who can help them improve or give them some advantage. Respect should not depend on how useful another person is.

People will notice how your child behaves, not just how well they hit a tennis ball. Their conduct, discipline and willingness to take responsibility matter beyond the tennis court.

Don't spend all your time trying to build a good tennis player while ignoring the person your child is becoming.

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Children may be young, but don't assume they fail to notice how you treat other people.

You may behave very pleasantly in front of other parents and coaches, but your behaviour behind closed doors may be completely different. Children can notice that contradiction.

I once had a child tell me that their parents were merely acting friendly towards other people and were not actually like that.

Think about that. Your own child may recognise the difference between the behaviour you display publicly and the way you actually treat people.

Some children may feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed when they see their parents treating others unfairly. They may disagree with your behaviour but hesitate to express it because they are afraid of upsetting you.

Your children don't learn values only from what you teach them. They also learn from what they see you doing.

As children grow older, they gradually develop their own opinions and understanding of right and wrong. If they repeatedly see a difference between the values you preach and the way you behave, it can affect how comfortable they feel sharing their thoughts with you.

Parents should pay attention when children become reluctant to share their feelings or openly disagree. Of course, children naturally seek independence as they grow up, but don't automatically assume that every change in communication is simply growing up.

Children need to feel comfortable expressing disagreement without being insulted, controlled or made to feel guilty for having a different opinion.

Don't expect your children to respect values that they never see you practising.

Your children are watching you. Think about what they are learning from your behaviour, especially when you believe nobody is paying attention.

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Parents, have you ever wondered whether your child tells you everything they feel, or only the things they think you are comfortable hearing?

Children may remain silent not because they are happy, but because they are afraid of the consequences of speaking up. They may worry that expressing disappointment, disagreeing with you or telling you something uncomfortable will lead to anger, punishment or the loss of something they deeply value.

A child can love their parents and still feel hurt, restricted or unheard by them.

Being protective is important. Parents naturally want to guide their children, set boundaries and prevent them from making decisions that could harm them. But sometimes, what parents consider protection can feel like restriction to the child.

That does not automatically mean the parents are wrong or that the child is always right. It means there may be a difference between what the parent intends and what the child actually experiences.

When your child expresses unhappiness, listen before reacting.

Don't immediately interpret every disagreement as disrespect, ingratitude or disobedience. Sometimes your child is not asking you to agree with everything they say. They are simply hoping that you will listen and try to understand their perspective.

Try not to interrupt, dismiss their feelings or immediately start explaining why they are wrong. Give them the opportunity to finish what they want to say. You may still disagree with them, but first make sure they feel heard.

Also, be careful about how you react when your child shares something uncomfortable. If every honest conversation turns into an argument, a lecture or a punishment, your child may eventually stop sharing those things with you.

Over time, they may become more comfortable discussing personal matters with friends or other people because they do not feel equally comfortable discussing them at home.

Don't mistake a quiet child for a child who has nothing to say.

Sometimes children want to speak but do not know how to approach their parents. Sometimes they have already tried expressing themselves and feel that nobody understood them. Pay attention to these possibilities instead of assuming that everything is fine.

This does not mean you must agree to every demand your child makes or remove all boundaries. Parents still have responsibilities, and children need guidance. But boundaries can be explained without humiliating, threatening or making a child feel guilty for expressing an opinion.

And when you realise that you have reacted badly, be willing to acknowledge it. Parents are not expected to be perfect. Just as children are expected to learn from their mistakes, adults should be willing to reflect on theirs too.

Your child should not have to choose between being honest with you and keeping something important in their life.

Whether it is tennis, academics, friendships or something happening in their personal lives, make it possible for your child to approach you without being afraid of your immediate reaction.

Make it safe for your child to speak honestly, even when what they say is difficult for you to hear.

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One of the biggest challenges in competitive tennis is not just teaching children how to handle defeat. It is teaching parents how to handle it too.

I have seen parents put tremendous effort into supporting their children. They travel to tournaments, encourage them, make sacrifices and continue believing in them through difficult periods. But sometimes, that support seems to change dramatically depending on the result.

Why should a parent's belief in a child depend so heavily on the outcome of the latest match?

Some parents become extremely disappointed when their child loses. They criticise the child, complain about the coach, question the entire training process or create a negative atmosphere at home.

Then the same child wins a tournament, and suddenly everyone is happy again. But when the child starts losing, the negativity returns.

WHEN ONE PARENT SUPPORTS, BUT THE OTHER DEMORALISES

I have also noticed in some families that mothers put enormous effort into supporting their children's tennis journey. They comfort the child after defeats, encourage them, make sacrifices and try to maintain their confidence through difficult periods.

But what happens when the father constantly criticises the child? Sometimes the criticism extends to the mother too. Instead of appreciating her efforts, he questions her decisions, criticises the way she supports the child and makes her feel responsible whenever things go wrong.

And what happens when the child wins? Suddenly, everyone celebrates. But does anyone acknowledge the mother's contribution? Does the father recognise how much effort she has put into keeping the child motivated through difficult periods?

It is easy to criticise a mother when things go wrong and forget her contribution when things go right.

I want to make one thing clear: I am not saying all fathers behave this way. Many fathers make enormous sacrifices for their children and provide consistent support. My concern is about fathers who repeatedly demoralise their children and undermine the mothers who are trying to support them.

Fathers, remember that your child needs your encouragement too. Constant criticism does not automatically make a child mentally tougher. And repeatedly demoralising the mother who is standing beside your child does not help the family.

Don't become another source of pressure for your child or undermine the person who is standing beside your child through difficult times.

Consider this example: a child wins four or five matches, and everyone is satisfied. The next day, the child loses one match, and the parent says, "I can't take this anymore."

What exactly has changed? The child has not suddenly become a different person overnight. Only the result has changed, and the parent's reaction has changed with it.

Children are still learning how to compete. You cannot expect them to handle pressure perfectly while struggling to accept defeat yourself.

Before criticising your child or blaming the coach, remember how difficult it is to reach the top in any profession. Even accomplished adults experience failures and setbacks. Why should a young player be expected to win every time?

I have also seen parents travel with their children to tournaments and unintentionally demoralise them. They may not know everything the child has been working on, the difficulties the child is facing or what actually happened during the match. Yet they judge the entire situation based on one result.

Instead of immediately criticising the child or coach, try to understand what went wrong. Discuss genuine problems constructively and work towards addressing them. A defeat can have several causes, and anger alone will not identify them.

If you genuinely do not want your child to continue playing tennis, make that decision honestly. Do not keep encouraging the child to pursue tennis while making every defeat emotionally difficult for them.

You cannot demand mental toughness from your child while your own reaction to defeat keeps adding pressure.

Support does not mean pretending every performance is good. It means addressing weaknesses and discussing mistakes without making your child feel that your belief in them depends entirely on whether they win the next match.

Celebrate victories, discuss defeats, demand effort and maintain standards. But do not make your child's emotional security depend on tournament results.

Before demanding mental toughness from your child, examine your own reaction to defeat.

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Some parents watch tennis videos on social media, learn a few technical terms and start suggesting changes to their children's coaches. They may do this with good intentions because they genuinely want their children to improve.

There is nothing wrong with parents taking an interest in tennis or asking questions. But watching a drill online does not automatically mean you understand whether it is suitable for your child.

A drill may look impressive in a video, but do you know what problem it is designed to solve? Is it appropriate for your child's current ability? Has the coach already tried something similar and decided that another exercise would be more useful?

Understanding a technical concept intellectually is also different from understanding how a movement feels and how to teach it to different children.

Every player is different. Children differ in their coordination, mobility, body proportions, movement patterns and ability to understand instructions. A technique or exercise that works well for one player may not work in exactly the same way for another.

Consider something as simple as throwing a ball with the non-dominant hand. What seems like a basic movement to an adult may be surprisingly difficult for a child to learn. We sometimes underestimate how much time and practice children need to develop movements that appear simple to us.

Technical coaching is not simply telling a child where to place every body part. A coach must observe the player, identify the actual problem and decide which explanation, exercise or correction is appropriate.

More instructions do not automatically mean better coaching.

Imagine a child playing tennis while constantly receiving instructions about the hand, wrist, fingers, hips, waist and knees. How much of that information can the child meaningfully process while trying to play?

There is a difference between giving a useful instruction at the right moment and continuously directing every part of a movement. Too many instructions, particularly from different people, can confuse a child rather than help them.

Parents should also understand the importance of feel. Learning a tennis shot involves more than memorising technical positions. Players need to develop an understanding of how the movement feels and how to reproduce it consistently.

What about tactics and strategy? Parents can certainly observe matches, think about tactics and discuss possible strategies. They may even offer useful perspectives. But technical instruction requires a different level of understanding and should not be based merely on terminology picked up from videos.

Just because a coach does not follow your suggestion does not necessarily mean the coach has never considered it. Ask why a particular drill or method is being used before assuming that your approach is better.

At the same time, coaches should be willing to explain important decisions. Parents are entitled to ask genuine questions and understand what is being taught. Coaching experience should not be used as an excuse to avoid reasonable discussion.

If you strongly disagree with the coach's approach, have an honest conversation. If both sides cannot work constructively together, it may be better to find a coaching arrangement that suits your expectations.

Support your child, ask questions and take an interest in their development. But avoid turning every practice session or match into a situation where your child receives technical instructions from multiple people.

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One of the biggest mistakes parents make is expecting their child to improve significantly after just a few private sessions.

Tennis development takes years. A child needs time to understand movements, develop technique, improve coordination, learn tactics and apply those skills consistently in matches.

Are you trying to develop your child over time, or are you trying to bypass years of work by spending more money?

Some parents travel to different cities or even countries hoping that a few private sessions with a reputed coach will transform their child's game. They expect someone to quickly fix a forehand, improve a backhand or take their child to another level.

Of course, a good coach may identify a problem, explain something differently or help a child make a useful adjustment during a single session. Private coaching can be valuable. But understanding an instruction once is not the same as being able to perform that skill consistently under match pressure.

Money can buy access to coaching. It cannot automatically buy the years of practice needed to develop a player.

Every child also learns at a different pace. Some pick up certain movements quickly, while others need considerably more time and practice. Increasing the number of private sessions does not automatically solve every difficulty.

Before spending more money in search of another quick fix, try to understand what your child actually needs. Is there a specific technical problem? Is the child struggling with movement, coordination, consistency or match confidence? What is the coach proposing to work on, and how will progress be evaluated?

Travelling to another coach or seeking a second opinion can sometimes provide a useful perspective. But neither spending more money nor visiting a famous coach guarantees a particular outcome.

Do not allow the desire for quick progress to make you believe that every problem has an expensive, immediate solution.

First understand the problem. Then decide what kind of help is genuinely needed. Give your child enough time to learn, practise and apply what has been taught.

You can purchase a coaching session. You cannot purchase years of development.

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I once spoke to the mother of a 13-year-old boy who was staying in a hostel for tennis training. She believed her son had exceptional potential because his coach had repeatedly told her that he had a promising future in tennis.

However, when I observed the child's tennis and physical condition, I had serious concerns about the gap between what the parent had been told and what I was seeing.

The child was spending considerable time on court and reportedly doing regular fitness training. Yet I could not see the level of development I would have expected from the training being described.

What disturbed me was the gap between the claims being made and the progress I could actually observe.

This raised an important question for me: were the parents regularly evaluating what their child was receiving, or were they relying almost entirely on the coach's assurances?

Sending a child to an academy or hostel does not mean you can hand over your parental responsibilities along with them.

A coach has a professional responsibility to provide appropriate coaching. But parents should not automatically assume that the coach will manage every aspect of their child's life, education, physical well-being and emotional development.

Your child's future cannot depend entirely on what one coach promises.

Do not confuse a coach's confidence with evidence. Ask what the assessment of your child's potential is based on. Look at actual tennis development, physical progress, training arrangements and the child's experience.

There is another important aspect that parents sometimes overlook: education.

If a child is spending most of their time at an academy or living away from home for tennis, parents must remain aware of what is happening academically and personally. A possible tennis career should not become an excuse to ignore the rest of the child's development.

Who is monitoring the child's education? Is the training programme actually helping? Is the child enjoying the process? Are the promises being made realistic? Are the parents receiving honest feedback, including when progress is disappointing?

Do not assume these questions are being handled simply because you are paying high fees.

Believe in your child, but do not believe every promise made about your child. Support their tennis journey, but remain actively involved in their life outside the court too.

Your child is not just a tennis project, and an academy is not a substitute for your responsibility as a parent.

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Most parents believe their child is talented. They believe their child works hard, is passionate about tennis and has the potential to become a good player.

But how do you know?

Believing in your child and honestly assessing your child are two different things.

A child may attend tennis sessions regularly, spend hours on court and still struggle to work properly on weaknesses. Time spent playing is not automatically proof of hard work. Being excited about tennis is not the same as being disciplined.

Look at how your child behaves when things become difficult. Can they handle repeated losses? Are they willing to work on their weaknesses? Do they take responsibility for their preparation, or do they need constant reminders and supervision?

The same principle applies to academics. Saying that your child is good at studies is not the same as looking at actual academic performance and progress. You need to understand what your child is achieving, not just what you believe they are capable of achieving.

This is not about insulting your child or refusing to believe in them. It is about understanding the difference between potential, present ability, effort and actual progress.

A child may have potential without being ready for serious competition today. Another child may work extremely hard but still need considerable improvement. These are different situations and should be assessed honestly.

Before making serious decisions about tennis, ask yourself:

• What evidence do I have that my child is working hard?
• Can I distinguish enthusiasm from discipline?
• How does my child respond to repeated losses?
• Am I looking at actual academic performance or relying on assumptions?
• Am I assessing my child's current ability or only imagining what they might become?

Your child does not need you to pretend that everything is exceptional. Your child needs you to understand the present situation clearly enough to make sensible decisions about the future.

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One common mistake parents make is comparing their child with another player and expecting both children to develop in the same way.

Every player is different. One child may be more consistent, another may hit the ball with more power, while another may have better variation. Players also differ in their physical characteristics, coordination, movement abilities and learning speeds.

You cannot expect every child to play the same way simply because they are learning the same sport.

For example, one child may hit powerful shots but struggle to keep the ball in play. Another may not hit as hard but may be much more consistent. Neither player should be judged by just one quality.

The same applies to progress. One child may learn a particular movement quickly, while another may need considerably more time. A difference in learning speed does not, by itself, determine either child's future potential.

Parents sometimes see another child doing something well and immediately want their own child to do the same. But is that change appropriate for your child's current ability, physical characteristics and stage of development?

Learning from other players can be useful. Watching someone perform a skill well may give your child something to work towards. The problem begins when parents treat another child's strengths as proof that their own child is doing something wrong.

Your child does not have to copy another player's style to become a better tennis player.

Understand your child's strengths, weaknesses and current needs. Let the coach work on developing those abilities instead of constantly demanding that your child become like someone else.

Measure your child's progress against their own development, not someone else's journey.

Now consider another important aspect of coaching.

Some parents have a fixed idea of how their child should play tennis. They want their child to attack, hit powerful shots, finish points quickly or play like another player they admire.

But have you stopped to understand what your child can already do well?

Imagine a child who can hit consistent lobs. The child may not have powerful groundstrokes or may not be comfortable attacking the opponent. But the ability to lob consistently is still a useful strength.

A player's strength is not something we should automatically try to remove just because it does not look like the game a parent expects.

This does not mean the child should only lob forever or avoid learning other shots. Other parts of the game should develop too. But the child's existing strengths can provide a starting point from which to build.

Not every player needs to become an aggressive player who constantly attacks. Different players have different strengths, physical characteristics, coordination, timing and ways of experiencing the game.

There is another important aspect parents should understand: power is not everything in tennis.

Some parents want their children to hit harder, play faster and attack their opponents. When a child plays cautiously or returns the ball without much power, parents may assume the child is afraid or lacks confidence.

But have you considered whether the child has developed the skills needed to play that way?

Tennis requires ball control, timing, movement, balance and coordination. Power becomes useful when the player can use it effectively and consistently.

Before demanding harder shots, understand whether your child can control the ball and move well enough to use that power effectively.

A child may choose a safer shot because that is what they can currently control. That does not automatically mean the child is scared. They may still be developing the movement, timing or confidence needed to attempt a more aggressive shot.

Of course, fear can affect a player's decisions. But you cannot conclude that a child is afraid simply because they play a cautious shot. First understand what is actually happening.

Parents should also be careful about asking a coach to change a child's game simply because another child looks more aggressive or hits the ball harder. Instead, understand why your child plays the way they do, what their strengths are and what needs improvement.

Children should gradually develop new skills while continuing to build on the abilities they already trust. The aim is not to restrict their game, but to help them become more complete players without unnecessarily taking away their natural strengths.

The goal is not to make every child play the same way. The goal is to develop the player's game while making the best use of their existing strengths and improving what is missing.

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